Sunday, December 29, 2013

If Julius Malema and Steve Hofmeyer shared a prison cell

News enthusiasts like me have certainly been spoilt for choice over the past couple of weeks in terms of riveting and headline grabbing news bulletins. Who needs Hollywood, Bollywood or even Nollywood, when South Africa is awash with an overflow of engrossing tales? Some of them have charmed our hearts, some have angered us, some have shocked us and some have been so downright outrageous, that they evoked mixed emotions! 

Recently, as I was reading and re-reading online articles and blog posts about the Mandela funeral, the e-tolling saga, the Nkandla presidential palace debacle, the story of the Generations actress accused of shop lifting, the booing of Jacob Zuma, Barack Obama’s controversial selfie, Michelle Obama’s jealous-wife streak, the post-funeral Mandela family saga, Mandla Maseko’s journey to space and many others, a thought popped out of my fertile imagination.

What if the two speed demons in the form of Julius Malema and Steve Hofmeyer, both arrested on the same evening over a week ago for driving at excessive speeds, were to be sentenced to imprisonment? What if these two high-profile rogues, who epitomise black and white racism in 21st Century South Africa, found themselves thrown into the same cell? Despite Hofmeyer’s delusional postings on Twitter saying that no cell is big enough for both himself and Malema, this is an idea worth the judiciary’s consideration. This would be a perfect legal solution to two socio-political menaces!

In the early stages of such an incarceration, Steve Hofmeyer would probably express his disgust at being in the same cell as a black man, a race he believes to be brainless and inferior to his own. The fact that the black person would be in the mould of Julius Malema would certainly add fuel to his racist fire. Not to be outdone, Malema would probably chant his racially discriminating and murder evoking “Shoot the Boer, “ song, while calling for the nearest prison warder to give him a gun so as to put his words into action.

Maybe after some time, both buffoons would realise that beneath their skin pigmentation, they are both human beings or should I say, sorry excuses for human beings. Slowly but surely they would sit down and share notes on what is means to be a hard core racist, a foul mouthed attention seeker, a hate speech-filled instigator of the masses and of course, a fast and furious driver who thinks that public roads can be turned into formula one race tracks at the slightest of egoistic whims. 

Maybe, just maybe, over time,they would interact and bond with each other and be eventually released walking hand in hand as brothers. All hatred and stereotyping would be left to die in their prison cell and would no longer have a place  in any of the two men’s lives. I guess I may be stretching the boundaries of imagination and optimism too far! A more realistic outcome would be for the prison officer to find an opportune moment to securely lock the doors of the cell and throw the keys far away for good. Either way, the world would be better off than it is now when we have these two loose cannons ranting messages of conflict on our airwaves! What do you think?

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