Friday, December 10, 2010

Too much for fake Rick Ross to buy a razor?

I am not really into the Hip hop scene but one rap artiste caught my attention today as I sat watching a music show on television. It was none other than the big "gangster rapper," Rick Ross performing his popular song, Super High. What made me raise my eyebrows was something that has always been at the back of my mind but today came right to the fore. Why does he grow that hideous beard that makes him look like a freaky, horror movie version of Santa Claus?

Before all the bearded wonders out there entertain sadistic thoughts of suffocating me by shoving their long facial fur down my throat, let me make it clear that I do not have anything against long beards. I however feel that this look has its people and I do not see Rick Ross as one of them. In my own opinion, it would not be such a bad idea if some Delilah out there worked on him with a lawn mower while he slept!

To try and answer myself on why he chooses to have such a grizzly countenance, I guess it all has to do with trying to disguise his real appearance and look more like his hero, Freeway Ricky Ross, a reformed drug and gang lord whose name and life story he adopted. I would have thought when the media revealed some two years ago that Ross the rapper once worked as a prison guard and has no shady criminal history as he claims in his songs, he would have gone easy on the whole "I was a gangster fairly tale." In typical idiocy that is the same as the ever popular "I grew up dirt poor" story that is sometimes exaggerated by celebrities, the man still refuses to be proud of his noble past as a law enforcement officer. Although he finally admitted to it, after overwhelming evidence rendered his denials useless, he still wants to sell us his fake alter ego and fake criminal record. The fact that the real Ricky Ross tried to sue him for using his name and character for commercial gain obviously has not embarassed imposter Ross. I guess it is all about the Benjamins for him, not self pride.

So Mr William Leonard Roberts II, if I may be so rude as to use your real name; just by your voice we can tell that you are not the monster that you look like. Instead of a former gangster, we see a fake and scary looking clown. Is it too much to ask that you invest in a razor blade or clippers, or is that not good for your career and gangster image? I know you spend a lot of time grooming your beard but really there is just too much of it on your chin, cheeks and throat for you not to be mistaken for Godzilla's brother. By the way, I am not a 50 Cent fan trying to take part in your war of words. I am just a concerned viewer who worrries about little toddlers having sleepless night after seeing your mane on TV!


  1. If he's an imposter, maybe his beard's an imposter too? Maybe it's actually made from one of those scratchy thing you clean scrambled eggs off of pots with? :) You have to admit though, that's quite a well coiffured chin accessory. As bushy beards go.

  2. @Assassin the thought of it being a pot scrubber had not occured to me but now that you mention it, the possibility seems real. For a bushy, scary beard I guess his has some designer aspects to it!


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