Adventures of Johnny John and a bribe hungry Johannesburg traffic cop (Part II)

Good readers, those of you who read yesterday's Part I of The adventures of Johnny John and a bribe hungry Johannesburg traffic cop are probably keen to know what became of Johnny John, the unfortunate motorist who was busted in chaotic Jozi traffic by a Johannesburg Metro Police officer for driving on a lane reserved for buses.


We read about how the officer confiscated Johnny John's licence and demanded a bribe if he was to spare Johnny from a hefty fine and / or arrest. We read of how Johnny John gave in to the demand, pretended to fetch the money from his car (yet he had it in his pocket), paid the bribe and got his licence back. Soon after bribing the officer, Johnny John asked for a refund of his money. Many of you are wondering if Johnny John had a can of spinach tucked away somewhere which he gulped away so as to get a new burst of courage or if his conscience settled for a fine and / or arrest. What is going on in Johnny John's mind and how will the officer react to this unexpected twist of events? I shall not keep you in suspense any longer. Remember to share the link to to this story with other motorists on your social networks.


"What was that young man, what did you just say to me?" bellowed the traffic officer. Johnny John could have sworn at that very moment that the cop's face was turning purple and little bubbles of foam were oozing out of the mouth. With a straight face and calm voice Johnny John repeated, "Please may I have the money that I have just bribed you with, I am somewhat in a rush and I need to go." Johnny John checked his cellphone, as if to confirm the time. Just then an sms tone pierced the electric atmosphere and Johnny John's attention was diverted back to the cellphone. When he looked up, the officer was making his way out of the vehicle, ticket book in one hand and handcuffs in the other. " Ever spend Christmas in a jail cell? Not only am I going to make sure that you spend the rest of the festive season locked up, I am going to make sure that a large portion of your bonus goes into the city's coffers. You should have just given me what I asked for, that was a small price to pay in contrast to what you are about to pay, you little swine!"


Johnny John thought of reminding him that according to Pigspotter and his 30thousand Twitter followers, traffic cops were the swine. He however decided against triggering a possibly violent physical attack. He asked if the officer wouldn't love to read the SMS that he had just recieved. Puzzled, the officer glanced at Johnny John's cellphone and saw a delivery report. "That sir is the delivery report of an MMS that I have just sent to a friend of mine. You see when I said I was going to collect money from my car, I was actually going to send this MMS. It is a voice recording of you demanding a bribe from me. The time that you saw me fiddling with my phone, it was not really because I was nervous, I was ensuring that I record every single bit of your evil deed. If you really have to charge me for using the bus lane, go ahead and issue me with a traffic fine, do not fund raise for your Christmas party at my expense. Oh by the way, I know you just want to grab my cellphone and smash it the ground, that is why I have sent an MMS to my friend who is currently next to his computer, waiting to post it on You Tube, Twitter and Facebook, as well as email it to the Independent Complaints Directorate and your superiors. I am going to make a celebrity out of you yet, officer dearest."


The rest is history. Needless to say, Johnny John got his refund and declined an offer of an additional "refund." The traffic officer traced Johnny John through his car registration number and since then has been making regular calls to Johnny John to ask if he needs help with renewing his driver's licence, car registration or anything else traffic related. He says he really would like to help Jonny John because he knows how long the queues at the traffic department offices can become. Johnny John has said several times that he does not need anything from him, that his justice has been served, all is forgotten and the officer should relax. It seems though that he is likely to be on the apologetic officer's speed dial list for a long time to come!

The danger of liking "Likes" to the extreme

   
So you have received over two hundred comments and countless likes for your latest posting on Facebook? Surely that means you have finally arrived in the world of celebdom, right? Wrong! In case you were not aware of it, there is a still a long way to go before you can begin to even sniff that ever elusive celebrity status.

It is always sad to observe people attempting to derive their sense of self-worth and self-esteem from social networks. Clicking the “Like” button on your post might mean that I like or relate to your post, but it does not necessarily mean that I like you and will be asking for your autograph when I meet you next. At times, I might like, share or retweet your post because others are doing so and I feel compelled to follow suit.  The possible reasons are so many that it really does not make sense for one to allow an over-inflated ego to carry him or her into the undesirable realms of vanity.

Remember that social media is another world and that world is poles apart from the earth that we dwell in.  What you see on your screen is not always what you get in the real world. Not all your online “friends” or “followers” are real friends; you do not even know some of them personally, for crying out loud! What we all need to do as we surf the web and get connected with each other on the various networks, is to always have a sound thinking head on our shoulders and firm feet on the ground. 

Put in simple terms, let us value real life interactions more than we value cyber encounters. If that is not done, we are in serious danger of losing true loved ones as we endeavour to accrue empty virtual relationships.  

Blackberry saga reminds us that we are not robots

The Blackberry internet outage came and is now history. The silly jokes at the expense of the hapless Blackberry users have circulated at viral speed worldwide and they have also subsided. People's blood pressures have sky rocketed and normalised again. At the end of it all, one stark question still stands glaringly, awaiting an answer. How were we able to survive before our smartphones, tablets and notebooks?

One is reminded through this Blackberry Saga, of the panic attack that was triggerd by the fear of known as the Y2K millenium bug. It gripped humanity on the eve of the 1st of January 2000. All awaited with bated breath, hoping against all hope that the ushering in of a new century would not lead to a global crash of computer systems. This week's Blackberry debacle has proved once again that man is now a slave of technology. Who can bravely stand up and claim that he is master of technology and is not at its absolute mercy? No siree, few can honestly make such a proclamation. What we need to do now and again is take breaks from Skype, Gtalk, Twitter, Blackberry Messenger, Facebook, Whatsapp and the host of other applications that we use to get in touch. Let us make a deliberate effort to communicate via a good, old fashioned sms or to make a normal telephone call. Let us park our cars and walk to the shops and let us handwash our laundry now and then. Switch off your computers and TV sets once in a while. Why do all of this?

The reason is simple: to remind ourselves that life is not a Science fiction flick in which we rely on some gadget, program or application to live. We need to remind ourselves that we invented this technology, it did not invent us. We are not robots, we are human! If Hagar the horrible, Tarzan, Asterix and Fred Flintstone could survive in the olden days with the most primitive and bare necessities, there is no logical reason why we cannot. Think about it, should we not go back to the basics?

Exposé on Lazola Zanele Hartland - Facebook Con Woman

As we all know, social networks nowadays are more than just vehicles to connect with friends. The Twitters and Facebooks of this world have been piggy backed by media, celebrities, businesses and other brands, utilising them as an effective marketing tool to reach thousands, if not millions at the click of a button. Unfortunately, some people in turn piggy back the online profiles of these celebrities to further their own criminal agenda. I speak here with a particular name in mind, a South African female con-artist who goes by the Facebook name of Lazola Zanele Hartland.

About three weeks ago, one of South Africa's most popular television and radio presenters, a lady whose on stage name is synonymous with the letter "B" and and "Bees," the insects; put up a status update about a promotional event that she would soon be involved in. As is the norm, such updates go viral and elicit dozens of responses within a few minutes. Some of these responses are actually ambush marketing tactics whereby people take advantage of the many followers responding to the status update to post links to their own sites and blogs, or to sell merchandise. While this might not be entirely ethical, I have no qualms about that, seeing as the celebrity is also gaining mileage from the followers of that page. What irks me is when people post deceptive information that is meant to swindle unsuspecting victims out of their money. This is what this Lazola character did. She posted a comment that read:

Lazola Zanele Hartland dial *code*code*phone number*code# ...... they giving away AIRTIME, do it NOW!!!! (MTN)

27 minutes ago · Like ·  1 person

I have deliberately excluded the digits of the codes, so as not to give ammunition to other online thieves out there, but the fact of the matter is that by punching in those digits, one would actually be transferring their airtime to her phone! In the most polite words that I could master, I sent a message to her inbox to alert her that what she had done was wrong and also criminal. Boy oh boy, in typical spineless and cowardly manner, she responded by sending me a long list of English and Xhosa profanities. This name calling ranged from me being human excrement, to being a smelly fart, all the way to downright xenophobic terminology (probably after viewing my nationality status on my profile). She had the cheek to demand that I buy her airtime instead of telling her off about her crime. At one point, this loony told me not to be holier-than-thou and think that I am better than she is. I was then told to jump off a cliff and hang myself.  My last words were to tell her that I do not think I am better, I AM better!  I wonder though how possible it is to jump off a cliff and hang oneself at the same time!

Some might say this is a non-event and that some lunatics are not worth the time and effort. Think however of the many unsuspecting victims who are technologically and economically disadvantaged, who will fall prey not just to Lazola Zanele Hartland, but to many others like her. We owe it to them to make them aware of such scams and to expose these confidence tricksters that lurk on our social networks. Let me know and let her know what you think of Lazola's activities.

Watch this space mid-week as I name and shame another cyber criminal calling himself Bertin Galliam.
___________________________________________________________________


Update


Our slimy creepy crawly has contacted me via my Facebook profile to gloat further about her evil and criminal deeds.This is what she had to say.

 Between You and Lazola Zanele Hartland

Lazola Zanele Hartland 10 April at 21:02 Report

Ok dude y r u soo obsessed with me u r actually amusing get over yourself. As if u writting a blog abt me changes anything, guess wat nuthing's changed *suprise* lol

Sent via Facebook Mobile

 If you have not shared this post already, please do so, name and shame and stop her evil game. She might think we are obsessed about her, but the truth is we are incapacitating criminals like her. Maybe she needs to feel the heat of the long arm of the law? 

The April fools' joker is the real April fool!

When I was still a toddler, I always derived a lot of pleasure from April fool's day. I can certainly recall the moments of glee when I would tell a friend or family member utter falsehoods of a shocking or heartbreaking nature, with such a straight face that they would swallow it all in; hook, line and sinker. After allowing myself some moments of sadistic pleasure at witnessing their shocked and sometimes panicky reactions, I would then remind them that it was the first of April and they had just become another statistic on the April Fools' list. The shock and panic would then swiftly give way to either sheepish grins as my noodles (prank victims) kicked themselves for falling for my lies, or at times the shock and panic would yield to angry outbursts. Either way, I would have had my fun.

One of the best pranks that I witnessed as a young teenager was when some older boys in high school, lifted a lady teacher's tiny Renault 4 from the staff parking lot and placed it by a fish pond in the school. At that time, I could not help admire what I perceived to be the pure genius of it all. Admittedly, my April Fools' pranks were limited in scope and I would never have had the guts to participate in such a daring scheme. That element of cowardice was probably good for me and saved me from a lot of trouble. It did not mean however, that I did not appreciate the deed. Sending an otherwise tough and stern teacher into a emotional mess upon discovering that her car had "disappeared" from the parking lot, was in my book, the ultimate April Fool's prank!

On hindsight, I realise that I was the April Fool. My April Fools' jokes and lies secured me a place on the real April Fools' list. The senior high school jokesters who hid the teacher's car by the fish pond, the newspaper editors who put up front page headlines about non-existant bomb blasts and tsunamis, as well as the false alarmists who tweet lies about Jackie Chan being dead on Twitter are the real fools. I say a fool is someone who does foolish things and not one who unwittingly falls victim to someone else's foolishness!

I read someone's status update on a social network today and it got me thinking. If Christianity and other religions do not condone the speaking and practising of falsehoods, can we claim to be true Christians, Muslims, Hindus, etc, if we engage in them? Some might feel that my change of heart towards the day is too extreme and that I have become too judgemental on something that is just harmless fun. I do not think so. What can begin as harmless fun may develop into something bigger and not so harmless. When your April fool decides to get back at you and comes up with a retaliatory scheme that will leave you not so amused, a battle is likely to develop as newer and more distasteful methods are employed in seeking to make fools out of each other. More dangerously, the culture of lying and hurting others becomes ingrained in the minds of the younger generation who then grow up with weakened values.

Hopefully one day, most people will realise that April Fools' day is nothing but a glorification of foolish behaviour and the practice will become a thing of the past. The history of the day though, dates back to the 16th century, so do not hold your breath about it fading away! That might not happen anytime soon.

Adventures of Johnny John and a bribe hungry Johannesburg traffic cop

Living in a metropolis has its advantages and disadvantages but at this moment Johnny John was glad that he was not a permanent residence of Johannesburg. Being Christmas time, the buzz of shoppers, suppliers, hawkers, taxis, buses, etc, made him want to rip tufts of hair off his head. The heavy rains worsened the situation because of poor visibility and also because some traffic lights stopped working. Poor Johnny John, usually a law abiding motorist, was forced to succumb to the law of the jungle that pedestrian and motorist alike had to subject themselves to, in order to manoeuvre within the swerving, pushing, jostling, shouting, hustling and hooting madness. One might as well have been trying to make one’s way down a swamped street in the centre of Lagos, New Delhi or Beijing.


Inching his way along Von Wielligh Street and crossing Jeppe street, it was most frustrating to see that some drivers had parked their cars so as to encroach the outer lane. This created a bottle neck of traffic and Johnny John thought of how it could not get any worse than this. He spotted a free bus lane that at that moment had no buses on it. He decided to take his chance and pretend for a few minutes that his car was a bus. The jungle law was after all the prevalent law of the moment. Just his luck, the moment Johnny John touched the bus lane, in movie fashion he heard a siren and flash of lights as a Johannesburg Metro Police Department (JMPD) vehicle signalled for him to pull over.


The officer (not the one pictured above) did not come out of his car but instead invited Johnny John to come into his car since it was raining. Johnny John knew that the rain had nothing to do with being called into the car. The officer demanded Johnny John’s licence. He handed it over, nervously fiddling with his cellphone as he watched the Metro traffic officer page through the fine book, wanting to show Johnny John what the charge for driving on the bus lane was. Johnny John’s pleas for mercy and attempts to justify using the bus lane fell on deaf ears. The only way that he could be forgiven, he was told, was if he could “buy the officer a drink.” Johnny John told the officer that he had left his money in the car, knowing very well that he had money on him. He went into his car, fiddled with his wallet and his cellphone and went back to the police car. He leaned through the window, dropped the money discreetly into the car and was handed back his licence. “Travel well and be careful, it is a jungle out here,” said the metro cop, suddenly a concerned officer.


At that moment Johnny John had deep respect for Cliff the Pigspotter, the man despised by law enforcers and loved by motorists for tweeting accurate warnings to over twenty thousand followers on twitter about police road blocks and speed traps in the Johannesburg area. Surely the Pigspotter was justified to use the term “pigs” in his tweets? “Thank you officer, I will drive safely, but one more thing, may I please have my money back?...”


Why does Johnny John lie about the money being in his car when he had it in his pocket? Why does he bribe the traffic officer and soon after that demands a refund? Is he opting for a hefty fine or even arrest? What exactly is Johnny John up to? Let us find out tomorrow in the second and final part of this story. In the mean time please share this with as many friends as possible who might want tips on handling bribe hungry traffic officers.

Beginning of end for Twitter's Pigspotter?

It seems as if the end is near for South Africa’s latest Twitter sensation, Cliff the Pigspotter. The famous (or maybe infamous) online celebrity has made his name from posting accurate tweets warning drivers in South Africa’s Gauteng province about roadblocks and speed traps set up by the “Pigs”. I love his explanation that the definition of the word “Pig” is not derogative, just an acronym for -Police In Gauteng! (Yeah right, we really believe you Pigspotter!)


The police must be kicking themselves hard on their hooves because it is their gruntings and ravings on mass media, declaring sworn enmity with Pigspotter, that steered traffic away from the speed trapped M1 and other highways, all the way to the @Pigspotter Twitter profile. Of late the number of followers has ballooned from around two thousand to over twenty thousand followers. It has been interesting to follow the various viewpoints about whether the “Pig alerts” are morally right or wrong.


Cliff believes he is saving motorists from bribe-hungry Metro Police officers who choose to hide their speed traps behind trees and under bridges, ready to pounce on motorists. His argument is that a speed trap is meant to act mainly as a deterrent so once its visibility is hidden, it becomes a solely punitive measure with a financial reward at the end for the police. Others have sided with the police and denounced Pigspotter’s blatant disregard for the law and accused him of aiding law breakers. Due to these comments, he attempted a compromise by opting to stop alerting motorists about roadblocks and to limit them to warnings about speed traps only.


As we read news reports teling us that Pigspotter has hired a lawyer to negotiate with the authorities to drop the charges that they have laid against him, several questions come to mind. Will he be pardoned or will prosecution proceed? Is it the beginning of the end for Mr Cliff? Will we finally get to know his true identity? Does he have any innovative plans to use his newly accquired celebrity status for other ventures that are not as risky as warning wayward motorists about police? Any movie or book deals? What will be the impact of his almost certain disappearance from the traffic scene on his followers and South African motoring in general? I am offering a penny or more for anyone’s thoughts about what will be become of our Pigspotter!

Being a social networking junkie is not a licence for dumping social junk

I would not go as far as rating myself as a social networking junkie, but at the same time I will accept that I do enjoy regular and substantial indulgence in Facebook, Twitter, Gtalk and one or two mobile phone applications. My wife and some friends will probably be emphatic in arguing that I truly am a junkie but am steeped in denial and need professional help to realise that the blood in my veins is driven by status updates, tweets, retweets and buzzes.



My usual defence is that no self respecting blogger can survive without belonging to sound networks in which he or she can meet other bloggers, inform friends and readers of latest postings, gain better search engine rankings, as well as keep up to date with the latest news headlines. This excuse is not exactly a fib but I admit that my online activities do often extend to non blogging activity such as “poking” friends on Facebook. I take comfort in the knowledge that I am yet to be one of those junkies who have long lost their marbles to the extent that they see no wrong in airing dirty personal junk in public for the whole world to see.



As much as you want the whole world to empathise, laugh or rejoice with you, there are certain things that the world does not need to know about you. Let us face it, very few of us limit our friend lists to only genuine friends. Often than not we accept friend invitations or agree to be “followed” by individuals that we do not know, or who we do not have much to say to besides a simple “hello.”



If you did not know, now you do that it is highly idiotic to post or tweet to virtual strangers that you have just wet your pants, fought with your spouse or that you are on the prowl at some seedy bar in search of a one night stand with some strumpet. Also high on the list of junk droppers, are the braggers whose junk is usually along the lines of asking for “advice” about which airline might have business class tickets to some fancy destination because the travel agents seem to have only economy class available. Others will cry about being tired after being locked in a full day’s meeting with the Mayor, a CEO of some huge multi-national, or the President. If you do decide to pay attention to these drama queens and kings, be sure to take what they say with a pinch of salt since their version of events often differs from the real life scenario.



So dear social networkers let us avoid polluting the social space with our over the top outpour of each and every thought, problem, emotion or activity that we have. It becomes fodder for gossip, ridicule and general character assaination. It seems that some of our “open minded” friends ought to realise that there is actually something known as too much information!