Dear Markham Store

Unsolicited Markhams Store Card

Dear Markham Store

When beginning this post, I was tempted to title it: An open letter to the overzealous Markham marketing department. I then thought twice and discarded that heading because of the negative connotations that the term, “Open Letter,” has acquired of late.

In South Africa, a trend has developed within the last year or two, whereby public figures rush to the tabloids to attack their rivals and adversaries through these so-called open letters.  I do not want to go that route and begin a war of words with you on the blogosphere, akin to the recent Ntsiki Mazwai – Fikile Mbalula madness. Such letters are in very bad taste and this letter is certainly not written in bad taste and should not be painted with the same brush as the spate of nasty open letters that are being splashed in the press.

Before I get to the nitty-gritty of this correspondence, may I humbly request that you pass on the contents of this letter to your clothing retail buddies at Truworths Man. If possible, may you please also pass it on to other companies like Direct Axis and Vodacom, who use the same ambush tactics that you use. I will be drafting similar letters to them soon, but it will not hurt for you put them in the picture so that when my letters arrive, a foundation will already have been laid.

Please note, Markham store, that I value your position as a leading player in the retail of men’s clothing in South Africa.  That however does not mean that I am doing cartwheels to celebrate the card that you sent to me in the post. Apparently I can use that card to activate a pre-approved Markhams account. I am flattered that you have done some checking up on me and have concluded that I am credible and worthy of being one of your account holders.   

Do take note as well, that whenever I have bought something from one of your outlets, it has always been for cash. This is not to be taken personally; the truth is that I have never in my life bought clothing on credit and I do not intend to do so anytime soon.  Sending me plastic cards with my name printed on them, is only useful to me in keeping my bank cards snug and firmly fitted in the card compartment of my wallet.

I hope that you understand my unwillingness to fall victim to the avaricious whims that you and hordes of other retailers seem to develop during this festive time of the year. It is sad that when one buys a newspaper during the Christmas season, there are more pages of advertisements to be read than there are of news. I am sure that you have found other people who are more amenable to your marketing gimmicks. 

Be rest assured that you will continue to make a killing without the paltry instalments that you would have fleeced from me, had I taken you up on your offer. I am certainly not awash with funds. That is why in the few instances where I have had to apply for credit, I have declined to have my personal details added to the National Consumer Database. Someone, somewhere obviously ignored my wishes but now might be a good time for my wishes to be respected by you and your other cronies. 

I trust that you will consider the contents of this letter and I look forward to continuing as a cash paying customer in the future.

Regards

Far from gullible consumer 

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Not so welcome birthday greetings from Vodacom

A few days ago, another birthday came and went.  By nature, I am not one prone to celebrating birthdays with pomp and fanfare. The plan for my birthday was to just lie in and at the most, indulge in some cake. Well, I went ahead and did exactly that while reading the many happy birthday messages sent by family and friends telephonically and via social media. It seems however that Vodacom South Africa had a surprise for me!

This unexpected surprise was a happy birthday sms. For the eight or so years that I have been a customer of Vodacom, this was the first time that the company has ever wished me a happy birthday. Was I impressed, happy and proud to have this corporate giant send me their good wishes on this day? In all frankness the answer is NO.

Now before you lambast me for being an egoistic ingrate who ought to be more appreciative of a good gesture and a kind word, please bear in mind a couple of things. The first one is that this sms is a standard one that was probably sent to thousands of other subscribers on that day. The sender was probably some automated computer program and besides entering my name and details onto the system, there is little chance that there was any other human element involved in dispatching this communiqué. Asking me to be all smiley and touched by a message sent through a piece of technology is really asking for too much.

Many by now are aware of the ongoing court battle in which Nkosana Makate is suing Vodacom for a slice of the mammoth earnings that the cellular giant has earned through over the years via the Please Call Me service. Makate says that he invented the service in 2000 when he was still a Vodacom employee. Vodacom insists that the idea was the brainchild of Mr Alan Knott-Craig, the current CEO of rival company, Cell C and the man who at that time was their CEO. While it is the job of the courts and not mine to decide who is the rightful brains behind the Please Call Me concept, there is something in this case that has exposed Vodacom as an arrogant bully with little appreciation for those that put them where they are. They admit that even if it is proven that Makate is right, they will not part with a single cent. The message there is clear: If you are our employee and you do something extra to your normal call of duty, we will not value that effort and will not be willing to recognise or reward that effort. 

As a consumer, I have often pondered as to whether Vodacom and its cronies, (the likes of MTN and Cell C) actually give a goose’s beak about us, the people who contribute towards their bulging coffers. The high tariffs we pay for calls, data and smses do not seem to correspond with the high incidence of dropped calls, irregular network coverage and slow internet connections. The special deals such as the free extra data “Night Owl” promotions are designed to discourage us from utilising them. Not many will sacrifice their much needed sleep to remain awake from 12 midnight until 5am as a way of benefiting from the promotion. Talk of the Power Hour promotion (free one hour call) and nightmares of massive network congestion crop up. New contract plans such as the Vodacom Smart Light package are presented as affordable contract deals, when in fact they are guaranteed cash gobblers. 

Unfortunately, as long as the South African government does not give the country’s communications regulator, Icasa, more power to force these cellphone companies to lower their rates, we will continue to pay through the nose for services that are very affordable in other countries. As long as consumers do not engage in some meaningful consumer boycott or other form of resistance, the Vodacoms and MTNs of this world will continue to give us poor and expensive service. South Africa will continue to be ranked 36 out of 40 countries in Africa in terms of cellular service affordability. As for me, as long as this daylight robbery continues, Vodacom shall excuse me for not being too particularly thrilled at receiving their birthday wishes.

Haunted by evil telephonic sales forces

On Monday evening I was reading a rant by a fellow blogger, The Ranter's Box, about irritating shop attendants who "over-attend" and follow you around the store, stifling your shopping space in the process and making you feel like you are just a common thief. It seems that by posting a comment on that blog post agreeing with the Empress of Rant and promising to share my disdain for telephonic salesmen who are extremely pushy, I invited these evil telephonic forces to haunt me. The very next day my phone rang; unidentified caller I.D of course.


After identifying himself as someone from the Vodacom mobile network and mumbling a name that whizzed past my ears so quickly that I had not the slimmest chance of catching it, he went straight to his pitch. The reason for calling me was to thank me for being such a loyal Vodacom customer who has supported them through my internet data contract. "Wow," I thought as I salivated and mentally retracted the unkind comment that I made on the Ranter's Box. My imagination went overdrive as I salivated and predicted that this beloved caller was about to prove his gratitude by sending me a truckload of free gigabytes, a laptop or even a trip to some exotic getaway.


Talk about Mthoko being naive! The only reward being offered for my faithful patronage was an additional cellphone contract! The blighter was thanking me by wanting to dig deep digger into my pocket! What absolute cheek, I thought as I outwardly humoured him and let him go on for about ten minutes describing the package to me, the many free minutes and the features of this super-duper smartphone. At one point I had to put my cellphone down for a minute because I needed to stretch my arms which were feeling rather stiff. I got back to my caller in time to hear him tell me how he intends to courier the cellphone to me and would like to know if I am available at work or at home between 8am and 5pm on weekdays. He also read out my work details, address and other information that he wanted me to confirm.


It was at that point that I reminded him that I had not committed myself to any contract so there was no need for me to comment on any of my details. Suddenly the man who had rambled on like an auctioneer kept silent as I politely proceeded to point out that I had no way of knowing if he wasn't a criminal, hence I will not say if I am usually at home or at work on weekdays. He tried to justify himself and prove that he really was a Vodacom telesalesman who merely wanted to "thank me!" It was at that point that I decided to remove the kid gloves and go for the jagular. I told him that it was with deep regret that I had to decline his offer and had he given me a chance fifteen minutes ago to speak, I would have told him that I am not ready to commit myself to any new contract while still on the current one. That did the trick and I was free from the clutches of the evil force; for how long though, I do not know.


I still await the call from a lady from a local furniture shop who calls me after every three months to ask if I need new furniture just because I purchased a lounge suite from her last year. The last time that I checked, furniture buying habits differ vastly from grocery shopping trends. This not so obvious bit of economics will have to be explained to her. I must say, this time I am prepared to deal with her once and for all!