Paul the Octopus and 2010 the Python, answers to the world's problems

Who needs soccer strategists, coaches and technical advisers to push a world cup team to success when you have 2010, the 2,8 metre long, Cape Town based Burmese Python and her sangoma (spirit medium) handler? Who needs staticians, bookies and soccer analysts to predict soccer results when you have Paul the German octopus who so far has successfully predicted all of Germany's victories in the world cup, according to the owners of the Oberhausen Sea Life Aquarium which Paul calls home?



While it is not clear how exactly 2010 is able to connect with the ancestral spirits to request their intervention in the outcome of soccer matches, what is clear is that the python's owner has had a fair share of paying clients eager to enlist his services. It is a pity that the poor reptile was found by the SPCA in a state of dehydration, mouth rot, malnutrition and pneumonia. Fortunately the SPCA's vets are taking care of that. This should however not cast any shadows of doubt on the legitimacy of the supernatural powers of the snake and her owner. Do not at any point believe that those who have paid money, for the services of the python have done so in vain or that they are lacking brain matter. Do not question how the snake's owner has been able to satisfy requests from fans who obviously support different teams and all want their teams to win.



What you ought to do is wish 2010 a speedy recovery and good care so that she lives long to help the world with all of its problems. The possibilities are endless. By digging a little deeper in our pockets, we could invest in a better future in which the snake ensures that there is no war, disease or poverty on our planet. We could get her to influence elections so that only those leaders that the masses really want, are voted for. Other sports and games such as American football, golf, wrestling and even good old scrabble could be influenced by the spirits through our amazing python.



For those that believe in fate and are wary of interfering with the forces of destiny, Paul the octopus could at least help them to prepare for that destiny by foretelling what is to happen in the future. Again the possibilities are infinite. Imagine being able to predict the occurrence of hurricanes and earthquakes that at times elude meteorologists and seismologists and which no one has thought of asking 2010 to prevent! The police would have their work cut out for them as Paul could inform them in advance, of planned crimes before they have been committed. Elections results could be known before elections though a system has to be devised to prevent the losers from tempering with democracy by paying 2010 to reverse the future loss! Do not underestimate the impact that Paul's wisdom could have. The octopus is after all not rated one of the most intelligent sea creatures for nothing.



Does anyone else also wish that such discoveries were made long ago before the world became such a big bad world? Better late than never they say, so let us be grateful to the captors of Paul and 2010. Those that accuse them of being money chasing scam artists, need to remember that a financial reward is the least that can be done to say thank you for a job well done. The sterling job of sharing with the world the wonderful secrets of an astounding reptile and equally outstanding mollusk.

Stolen world cup trophies rubbish claims of top notch security

Before the ink has even dried on my previous blogpost of a few hours ago, regarding the shocking denial by South African and FIFA officials that the world cup is in real danger of a terrorist attack, I am tempted to say, "I told you so." This is after the Police commissioner has just revealed that seven replica World Cup trophies have been stolen from FIFA's temporary headquarters in Sandton, Johannesburg.




Seeing as this revelation is still in its infancy, we can only guess when this robbery (which also claimed other official FIFA gear) took place, but it is something the police and FIFA seem to have been keeping under the wraps until Bheki Cele's admission today. The excuse that is already being thrown around is that the crime was committed by somoeone familiar with the FIFA offices. Come on Mr Commissioner, come on Mr. Blatter, where is the tight security that you have been shouting from the roof tops about? You say there is no terrorist threat and that those who dare to say there is, are out to undermine your efforts. You say the Pavlos Joseph the British intruder who strayed into the English team's dressing room after the draw with Algeria was part of a stunt set up by a journalist. Does that take away the glaring reality there are serious security flaws that might just see something bigger occur in the remaining twelve days?




Call me an alarmist, but someone somewhere needs to begin to become answerable. This passing around of responsibility as if it is a red hot coal needs to cease. It has never hurt to ask for more help from agencies that are more experienced in dealing with international event security. Stop the obstinate, hard headed "We have this covered" pride before it is too late!

Hints of a terror attack at the World Cup's doorstep

I have written before that care must be taken by South African security agents that after the world cup, South Africa remains famous for only one big hole, the one in Kimberly. We certainly do not want another 200 metre depression in the earth were Soccer City used to be! We therefore pray that recent denials by Police Senior Superintendent Vish Naidoo that the world cup is under a terrorist threat are merely for the sake of avoiding a panic frenzy and the much abhorred negative publicity that would come along with that. Behind the scenes, they had better be working their backsides off to investigate the activities of suspects like Imran Muhammad.



Muhammad, a Pakistani who is wanted by Interpol for suspected terrorist involvement in the 26/11 (Mumbai, India) attacks in 2008 was arrested by Zimbabwean authorities last week with fellow countryman Chaudry Parvez Ahmed, as they tried to cross the Beitbridge border into South Africa using fake Kenyan Passports. They are said to have entered Zimbabwe from Saudi Arabia via Tanzania. If that is not a spine chilling factor for the police, then we have pretty naive people down at the cop shop and at the Union Buildings.



When I blogged about a terrorist threat to the world cup,

(http://msibanda.blogspot.com/2010/05/al-qaeda-against-making-circle-bigger.html), it was less than a month before the event and an Al Qaeda operative had just been arrested and confessed that this Bin Laden group had plans to target the world cup. Certain quarters snubbed the news as untrue and pointed to reports of Al Qaeda denying any such plans. As if they would take responsibility for something that they have not yet executed! Some even wrote if off as a stage managed affair by the Americans to put pressure on South Africa to give them more say in world cup security organisation.



The world's think tank on terrorism, the Nine Eleven Finding Answers Foundation (NEFA) has in the past also warned of an eighty percent chance of such an attack. It is hoped therefore that each hint or suggestion relating to terrorism is being taken seriously. We would rather be wrong than to end up in the same situation of regret as the friends and family of the boy who cried wolf.

Bare Thighs, Blonde Babes and Bavaria Beer- A Big Headache for Blatter's Boys

Many men watching the Netherlands-Denmark world cup match on the 15th of June, ogled, drooled, lusted, you name it, over the thirty- six thigh baring, mini dress clad blonde beauties who gave them a “feast,” for the eyes a quarter way into the match. Testosterone levels, already ignited by the soccer buzz must have sky rocketed! Even TV viewers got a share of the action, thanks to the TV crews that wasted no time in zooming in on these ladies who peeled off their Danish supporters’ clothes, to reveal short orange coloured dresses with tiny Bavaria Beer (Dutch beer brand) labels strategically placed by the bottom hems of the outfits. Many are probably disappointed right now that this “eye candy,” that they drooled over was a once off and will not be a sight to behold in future matches to be played by the Netherlands!

World news reports have informed us over the past few days that these women (two of them Dutch and the rest South African) were booted out of the stadium and questioned by the police. The Dutch ladies Barbara Castelein and Mirte Nieuwpoort are now facing criminal charges of “Ambush world cup marketing,” which means illegal advertising that piggy backs on the world cup event for free. FIFA are also suing the Dutch beer company Bavaria for allegedly sponsoring these women to travel to South Africa to engineer this campaign.

While some of us see this as much-a-do about nothing, Sepp Blatter’s boys are frothing at the mouth and to an extent they are justified. Companies such as the world cup’s official beer supplier Budweiser, have footed millions of dollars in sponsorship and advertising deals to FIFA, so advertising is not about to be handed out as a freebie to Bavaria when other companies are paying top dollar for it. There are however some loopholes that I have observed as I have been following the story. These could work against FIFA and the South African government in their fight against Bavaria.

Although it is common knowledge back in Holland that the orange mini dress is a marketing tool in Bavaria’s adverts and comes with the eight pack of their beer, it will be hard to prove that these women were indeed out to market for Bavaria. Bavaria will claim that it is not responsible for their customers wearing their promotional outfits which are after all not labelled in huge easily recognisable letters. They have said orange is the colour of choice in Holland and FIFA does not hold a monopoly over the colour. One wonders if a crowd of kwaito or pantsula dancers from the townships were to rock up at a world cup match dressed in their trademark All Star trainers or Ama Kip Kip T-shirts, would the alliance of FIFA and the South African Police Service (SAPS) pounce on them for ambush advertising? I am sure the ladies in orange are not the only ones who have come to the stadium dressed in non affiliated gear. Is the law selectively applied only to those who have the capacity to swell the coffers of FIFA? Food for thought.

The two Dutch women have allegedly been roughly handled by the police and Dutch authorities have raised concern about this. The fact that the other thirty-four South African blondes have not been charged along with these two, will surely exacerbate this governmental friction. To what extent is the South African government going to enforce its SA Merchandise Marks Act without causing a diplomatic row?

The way I see it, FIFA and the police have sensationalised the issue and in the process are shooting themselves in the foot. Had they escorted the women from the stadium quietly and served them with a warning, the story would not have spread like wild fire. Bavaria could have been quietly but sternly told off and informed of pending legal action without the angry comments that have been thrown to the press. The full force legal battle would then have been fought after the world cup. In the meantime, Budweiser who have the official right to advertise their beer at the world cup could come up with their own answer to the babes in orange, a hotter, sexier and more lasting sales pitch than the short lived Bavarian promotion.

This lack of a cool, calm and collected approach and too much focus on the women who are mere pawns in this game, have served to make these women martyrs in the public eye. They presently appear as victims of overly harsh punishment for carrying out a naughty but harmless gimmick. What better advertising for Bavaria than this? I am sure that with the ways events have turned out, many a hot blooded male fan is sulking at how the girls in the minis have been treated and is bound to drown his sorrows in a mug of Bavaria.

Are Blatter & Co. gold plating the truth about the gold in the world cup?

It is world cup mania out here in South Africa and without realising it; many of my online moments seem to be steering towards world cup related content. Talk about being swept by a tidal wave! In a recent piece on Mthoko Says… , Mthoko dealt with the topic of celebrity worship, and made a somewhat cynical comment about how people have stood in queues for hours with the aim of catching a glimpse of the FIFA World Cup that might not be the real thing and which does not resemble a cup in the conventional sense.

Well having said that, it was interesting to read an article on the BBC website about British scientist Martyn Poliakoff, who has calculated that if the World Cup trophy was really solid gold it would be too heavy for footballers to lift as it would weigh not less than 70kg. Other science boffins also confirm that gold had a very high density, hence the logical explanation is that the top (ball) part of the Jules Rimet Trophy - (FIFA World Cup) is either hollow or filled with a lighter metal.

Does this make FIFA’s claim that it is solid gold nothing more than gold plated truth? It is impossible to argue with the chemists because the density of gold is a proven scientific fact. The best that we can do for Blatter and Co. is to give them the benefit of the doubt. These men have been good to us, bringing this great competition to Africa at last. Let us therefore not ask too many questions and assume that by using the term “Solid,” they refer to the solid piece of gold that was used to make the golden parts of the cup. Semantics would then have crept in to create this confusion that has led us to misinterpret it to mean that the whole trophy is a solid lump of gold. Blatter is after all not a native English speaker, nor were the Italian designers of the cup. How is that for benefit of the doubt? Mthoko refuses to be drawn into irresponsible claims that FIFA are liars who peddle exaggerated statements to market and glorify their tournament!

Does it matter what the cup is manufactured from? To a certain extent, there is some appeal and prestige in lifting a cup that is all gold. The thought of a steel core or a hollow space full of air is not very flattering. Ultimately though it is the blood, sweat and tears that go with preparing for the tournament, the many experiences on and off the field and the total world cup experience that make the Jules Rimet a priceless token of victory. Despite Poliakoff’s theories, many more Pashasha moments are bound to be witnessed for a long time to come!

"Feel it!" Life lessons of the world cup for Mzansi!

Few of those who are shouting world cup slogans such as “Ke nako,“ “Feel it, it is here, “ and “Pashasha moment,” seem to care what “it” is or what it is time for. Many are living for the moment and have a surface understanding that it is all about this month of the global soccer show case. Let us however try and get more from the world cup experience than just the fun and excitement that will not live beyond the closing ceremony when the celebrations have ended and the visitors have left.

The world cup has come to South Africa at a time when the nation is bleeding from festering wounds of intense division in terms of racism, class struggles, political squabbles, xenophobia, ethnic friction and a host of other unsavoury divisions. It arrives at a time when there are some government officials backing the singing of racist songs encouraging black people to shoot Boers. It comes also at a time when we have seen some Boers taking up arms in readiness to declare an independent Afrikaner state.

This world cup experience should not be light glue such as was the Rugby world cup of 1995 and the African Cup of Nations of 1996 which were both hosted and won by South Africa. What do I mean by light glue? Those two events brought bonds, joy, national unity and harmony that were unfortunately short lived. Those of us witnessing the events back then from our TV screens outside of South Africa marvelled at how the nation rallied behind the Springboks and Bafana Bafana and propelled them to victory. It was a delight to see the rainbow nation unfold, people of all walks of life, shapes, colours and political affiliation, uniting and embracing each other. Apartheid and all its poison was finally dead and buried, so it seemed. Down the line, when the curtain fell and the euphoria of victory wore off, people realised that they were back at the proverbial ranch. It was time to go back to the “normal,” days of hatred and intolerance. Even Mandela‘s “Madiba effect,” could not prevent this back track to the status quo.

The first lesson that must not be forgotten from the 2010 experience is that with a concerted, extra effort to work hard, the nation can achieve great things in a short time. One only needs to look at the road developments, the marvellous stadia that South Africa now boasts of, the face lifted buildings and the newly formed business enterprises and it soon dawns on you that all this would not have happened without that spark in the form of the 2010 soccer extravaganza.

Another equally important lesson is that of hospitality. The country is presently swarming with visitors from all walks of life and various continents. They are experiencing a warm Mzansi welcome. Hopefully this hospitality is not just driven by economic motives and is a genuine desire to meet, interact and appreciate visitors from across the borders and seas. A friend of mine noted recently that the South African media loves to talk about the many “foreigners," who are here for the world cup. That word is used more than the term “ visitors,” or “guests,” and has subtle connotations of an unwelcoming society. Hopefully those that advocate for xenophobia will realise through '2010, the fact that the world is now a global village and they need to rid themselves of the closed box that they have trapped themselves in.

It was delightful to see the Blue Bulls rugby team and their fans adapt wonderfully to their new, albeit temporary home in Orlando, Soweto. Had the world cup not necessitated the move, the camaraderie that has recently developed between the predominantly white Bulls fans and their black hosts of Soweto is something that should be witnessed more often. Decades from now, it can only be hoped and encouraged that there will be more black fans from the townships mingling with their white counterparts, at soccer and rugby stadia, embracing each other’s passion for sport and the only colour of importance being their team colours.

I am sure there are many more life lessons that can be learned but it all has to do with the angle at which the populace wants to view this world cup experience. This is undoubtedly the biggest world event that has been hosted in this part of the world. Let it not be hosted in vain. Let us feel it and make sure that it is here to stay!

Celebrity worship - A human luxury or human foolishness?

Have you ever wondered why a human being will waste time and money at a stadium, airport or city hall just to catch a glimpse of a movie star, politician or a world cup that does not resemble a cup and might not even be the real McCoy? Why are we fixated with people or objects that we feel are bigger than life?

A talented actor or sportsperson is just that, talented at what they do. This does not mean that they do not breathe, walk, eat and “poo” the same way that we do! I am not against having heroes and heroines. The right ones can actually be powerful sources of inspiration and an escape from this otherwise harsh world. What I have a problem with are the often than not excessive obsessions that develop over matters of fantasy. So you have that autograph by David Beckam that you gave up the day’s business to secure, so what? The president, hardly visible behind darkened windows waved at the group that you were part of, so what? Are these feats now the peak of your life time achievements or is there still more to life?

Before you remove and throw your underwear at that gorgeous celebrity that you have long been in “love” with, remember that he or she does not know that you exist as an individual. Remember that there might be something else that is more productive and useful for you to channel your yearnings for obsession. Lastly, remember that the more you worship your celebrity, the more money you will spend on clothing, DVDs, posters, concert bookings, and other expenditure related to idolizing this “demi-god.” It is the demi-god, not you, that smiles all the way to the bank at your expense!