Adventures of Johnny John and a bribe hungry Johannesburg traffic cop (Part II)

Good readers, those of you who read yesterday's Part I of The adventures of Johnny John and a bribe hungry Johannesburg traffic cop are probably keen to know what became of Johnny John, the unfortunate motorist who was busted in chaotic Jozi traffic by a Johannesburg Metro Police officer for driving on a lane reserved for buses.


We read about how the officer confiscated Johnny John's licence and demanded a bribe if he was to spare Johnny from a hefty fine and / or arrest. We read of how Johnny John gave in to the demand, pretended to fetch the money from his car (yet he had it in his pocket), paid the bribe and got his licence back. Soon after bribing the officer, Johnny John asked for a refund of his money. Many of you are wondering if Johnny John had a can of spinach tucked away somewhere which he gulped away so as to get a new burst of courage or if his conscience settled for a fine and / or arrest. What is going on in Johnny John's mind and how will the officer react to this unexpected twist of events? I shall not keep you in suspense any longer. Remember to share the link to to this story with other motorists on your social networks.


"What was that young man, what did you just say to me?" bellowed the traffic officer. Johnny John could have sworn at that very moment that the cop's face was turning purple and little bubbles of foam were oozing out of the mouth. With a straight face and calm voice Johnny John repeated, "Please may I have the money that I have just bribed you with, I am somewhat in a rush and I need to go." Johnny John checked his cellphone, as if to confirm the time. Just then an sms tone pierced the electric atmosphere and Johnny John's attention was diverted back to the cellphone. When he looked up, the officer was making his way out of the vehicle, ticket book in one hand and handcuffs in the other. " Ever spend Christmas in a jail cell? Not only am I going to make sure that you spend the rest of the festive season locked up, I am going to make sure that a large portion of your bonus goes into the city's coffers. You should have just given me what I asked for, that was a small price to pay in contrast to what you are about to pay, you little swine!"


Johnny John thought of reminding him that according to Pigspotter and his 30thousand Twitter followers, traffic cops were the swine. He however decided against triggering a possibly violent physical attack. He asked if the officer wouldn't love to read the SMS that he had just recieved. Puzzled, the officer glanced at Johnny John's cellphone and saw a delivery report. "That sir is the delivery report of an MMS that I have just sent to a friend of mine. You see when I said I was going to collect money from my car, I was actually going to send this MMS. It is a voice recording of you demanding a bribe from me. The time that you saw me fiddling with my phone, it was not really because I was nervous, I was ensuring that I record every single bit of your evil deed. If you really have to charge me for using the bus lane, go ahead and issue me with a traffic fine, do not fund raise for your Christmas party at my expense. Oh by the way, I know you just want to grab my cellphone and smash it the ground, that is why I have sent an MMS to my friend who is currently next to his computer, waiting to post it on You Tube, Twitter and Facebook, as well as email it to the Independent Complaints Directorate and your superiors. I am going to make a celebrity out of you yet, officer dearest."


The rest is history. Needless to say, Johnny John got his refund and declined an offer of an additional "refund." The traffic officer traced Johnny John through his car registration number and since then has been making regular calls to Johnny John to ask if he needs help with renewing his driver's licence, car registration or anything else traffic related. He says he really would like to help Jonny John because he knows how long the queues at the traffic department offices can become. Johnny John has said several times that he does not need anything from him, that his justice has been served, all is forgotten and the officer should relax. It seems though that he is likely to be on the apologetic officer's speed dial list for a long time to come!

Adventures of Johnny John and a bribe hungry Johannesburg traffic cop

Living in a metropolis has its advantages and disadvantages but at this moment Johnny John was glad that he was not a permanent residence of Johannesburg. Being Christmas time, the buzz of shoppers, suppliers, hawkers, taxis, buses, etc, made him want to rip tufts of hair off his head. The heavy rains worsened the situation because of poor visibility and also because some traffic lights stopped working. Poor Johnny John, usually a law abiding motorist, was forced to succumb to the law of the jungle that pedestrian and motorist alike had to subject themselves to, in order to manoeuvre within the swerving, pushing, jostling, shouting, hustling and hooting madness. One might as well have been trying to make one’s way down a swamped street in the centre of Lagos, New Delhi or Beijing.


Inching his way along Von Wielligh Street and crossing Jeppe street, it was most frustrating to see that some drivers had parked their cars so as to encroach the outer lane. This created a bottle neck of traffic and Johnny John thought of how it could not get any worse than this. He spotted a free bus lane that at that moment had no buses on it. He decided to take his chance and pretend for a few minutes that his car was a bus. The jungle law was after all the prevalent law of the moment. Just his luck, the moment Johnny John touched the bus lane, in movie fashion he heard a siren and flash of lights as a Johannesburg Metro Police Department (JMPD) vehicle signalled for him to pull over.


The officer (not the one pictured above) did not come out of his car but instead invited Johnny John to come into his car since it was raining. Johnny John knew that the rain had nothing to do with being called into the car. The officer demanded Johnny John’s licence. He handed it over, nervously fiddling with his cellphone as he watched the Metro traffic officer page through the fine book, wanting to show Johnny John what the charge for driving on the bus lane was. Johnny John’s pleas for mercy and attempts to justify using the bus lane fell on deaf ears. The only way that he could be forgiven, he was told, was if he could “buy the officer a drink.” Johnny John told the officer that he had left his money in the car, knowing very well that he had money on him. He went into his car, fiddled with his wallet and his cellphone and went back to the police car. He leaned through the window, dropped the money discreetly into the car and was handed back his licence. “Travel well and be careful, it is a jungle out here,” said the metro cop, suddenly a concerned officer.


At that moment Johnny John had deep respect for Cliff the Pigspotter, the man despised by law enforcers and loved by motorists for tweeting accurate warnings to over twenty thousand followers on twitter about police road blocks and speed traps in the Johannesburg area. Surely the Pigspotter was justified to use the term “pigs” in his tweets? “Thank you officer, I will drive safely, but one more thing, may I please have my money back?...”


Why does Johnny John lie about the money being in his car when he had it in his pocket? Why does he bribe the traffic officer and soon after that demands a refund? Is he opting for a hefty fine or even arrest? What exactly is Johnny John up to? Let us find out tomorrow in the second and final part of this story. In the mean time please share this with as many friends as possible who might want tips on handling bribe hungry traffic officers.