Beware you cellphoning pains-in-the-butt!

As some of you might be aware, I am on a personal single-handed mission to eliminate the social idiot with bad telephonic manners wherever and whenever he rears his fat, ugly head! I have spoken about the monsters that make disgusting crank calls (where they phone you but refuse to identify themselves and want to know who is speaking). A fellow blogger whose blogs I follow has also blogged about similar frustrations, so I know that I am not alone in this cause.


This latest addition to my “hit list” blares away on his cellphone at dangerously high decibels of volume in theatres, banking halls, movie houses, buses, you name it. I would have thought it quite obvious that the whole world does not need to hear your office banter, marital arguments, flirtations with bimbos and such other private issues. What to us is obvious does not seem to be that obvious however, to this pain-in-the-butt; once he begins there is no stopping him!


A closely related cousin to the loud caller (also an excruciating pain-in-the-butt) seems at least to know what a huge, bold NO CELLPHONES sign means. Do not however hasten to think that this makes him or her better than his relative mentioned above. This version of cellphone terrorist is enlightened only as far as reading the sign is concerned, but when it comes to placing a mobile phone on silent, he is totally clueless or just does not have the mental capacity to think of it at that moment when his cellphone disrupts the peace.


So there you are in church trying to absorb that life-changing sermon that seems to have been tailor made for you, or about to deliver that important financial report to the board, when the cellphone of the person next to you rings incessantly. All that he or she does is to drop the call and put the mobile handset back in the pocket. Thinking the network is busy, the caller keeps calling over and over again and the cat and mouse foolishness goes on for about thirty minutes until someone advises this terrorist to put his phone on silent or go and take the call outside. Sound advice, which however is rocket science to our friend. He will opt instead, to take the call right where he is and shout to the caller to phone him later. At that juncture unfortunately, the damage is already done. People are swearing under their breath, laughing or talking and any semblance of order that had existed before the phone fiasco is relegated to the archives.


Be warned therefore, you cellphone-toting, terrorist pains-in-the-butt. I am hunting for you and when I get you, believe me when I say I am going to teach you a lesson that you will never forget in telephonic etiquette! You have no business being anywhere close to a cellphone, let alone owning one!